Finding and Keeping Courage in Leadership - Calming Waters Counseling Services

This year marks 10 years since completing the Masters in Social Work program at UNC-Charlotte. I thought it fitting to do the blog this month, given its National Social Work Month and because I am the creator and owner of Calming Waters Counseling Services!

One thing I’m happy to share, is that going to school and becoming a social worker has been one of the best decisions I’ve made. I absolutely love what I do despite the hard and trying times. Every moment (both past and present) have taught me, challenged me, and made me constantly check in with myself regardless of what leadership hat I may be wearing in any given moment.

Perhaps you yourself are in a position of leadership or are looking to grow into a leadership role. I myself am a leader, a therapist, a partner, a mom, a sister, a daughter, a cousin, a niece, and a friend. Recently, our office was undergoing an upfit and I had to wear the hat of a general contractor – who would’ve thought!?

It was in this moment that I realized my leadership is as intricate as the nerve pathways are in the body (which are sometimes tangled and painful).

Leadership is a beautiful opportunity to tap into your creative side and to help your team reach the next level of success, by allowing room for their skill sets to flourish and take root. But leadership is also hard and takes so much courage, strength, awareness, and resiliency. It’s about standing firm, speaking up, and developing a space that promotes the growth of others.

Have you ever loved a job, but hated the “office politics”? (I know I have!). Part of my vision as a leader is to create a firm, but fair place without the “office politics”. I mean, nobody wants to be “that boss”. Yet, over the years I’ve learned how trying to completely avoid these politics is a disservice to not only myself, but the practice. Office politics hold the framework for how the practice functions as whole, and I am learning that that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It is up to me to establish a framework that exudes positivity and growth, but that also retains structure and respect for the many moving parts there are.

This is where courage comes in.

It takes courage, and a level vulnerability, to not only SET the standards but hold the standards. You want your team to both respect your position and honor the boundaries that you have created; because, as a leader (and in my case the owner), I have the distinct ability to unilaterally build a practice that serves not just me and my team, but our clients and the community.

This may mean that you must make some unpopular choices along the way, with the understanding that not every staff or team member is going to fit within your vision, or agree with all your choices. Feeling and being unpopular is an uncomfortable place to sit in, but within the bounds of business, regardless of the industry, you have to realize (and be ok with) not making and keeping everyone happy all the time.

Release yourself of the expectation that you have to make everyone happy! Ultimately that’s not your responsibility, nor should it be a goal through your time in leadership. It not only takes courage to see and know that, but to execute it on a level that protects your personal AND professional integrities.

It is through your framework that people find their place and their voice. They learn what is and is not acceptable, and what boundaries they cannot cross. But just like with children, you cannot possibly anticipate and avoid every misstep that’s going to happen. Knee scrapes are inevitable. Hurt feelings are inevitable. Disagreements are (yep, you guessed it) inevitable. I challenge you to gracefully accept that concept and then your leadership can become centralized around the idea that you are looking out for the good of the many, not the few.

If you are finding your leadership foothold could use a little more stability, here are a few ideas that may help you offload some of the mental and emotional burden you may be feeling (remember, a burnt out leader is an ineffective leader.):

Fill your buckets. If you are in a position where you are pouring into more buckets than you have liquid for, look for support. This could be hiring more support staff who can micro-lead in areas that you may not have the bandwidth for OR through a reallocation of your resources and staff responsibilities.
Set goals. This is for your leadership AND for your team. Break down the big picture and set goals compartmentally, so they build on top of one another.
Delegate and assign. If there is a task that can be handled by someone else, delegate/assign it. Parlay off the tasks that don’t directly contribute to your responsibilities as a leader.
Integrate. Look at your processes and the day-to-day functions. Find things that may be redundant or things that can be bundled together, so your processes are seamlessly integrated with the current of the day-to-day flow.
Take a step back when you feel overwhelmed. There is no shame is saying “no.” In fact, as a leader it is quite the opposite. The word “no” holds so much power, but it does not have to live in a place of permanence. So even if your “no” is temporary, it just means you’ll cycle back around to it when you can, and that’s –unapologetically- ok.
Give yourself grace: there is so much to learn from being in a position of leadership. Always be gentle and kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can.

Make this the year of growth! The year where you learn how to practice what you teach your team (and what I teach my own clients – boundaries). Choose to be intentional, no matter what hat you are wearing. Choose to exhibit the courage to stand strong no matter what. If you are intentional and take a moment to listen, your courage and voice as a leader will step to the forefront, allowing you to take your team to the next level.