Reconnecting and Building Stronger Relationships Post-PTSD
*The story featured in this blog is about a fictional couple and their situation. Names and/or portions of this story are not intentionally reflective of any of our clients or PTSD journeys. Any parallels of this story to real-life experiences are merely coincidental.*
Sarah and her husband John have been married for 17 years. Sarah, a combat veteran, has struggled with severe PTSD since returning from her deployment in 2011.
Before she was deployed, Sarah and John loved kayaking together, listening to vintage jazz records while they cooked together in the small kitchen of their first home, and meeting their friends at a local brewery each Thursday to play trivia.
Since her return home, Sarah hasn’t found the same fulfillment in those activities and has found herself withdrawing from the things that she once loved.
Despite his best attempts to connect with Sarah, John has found it harder and harder to reach her. The harder he tries, the more she pulls away.
Sarah has found it hard to communicate her feelings, which has led to distance in her marriage, while John feels helpless, and doesn’t know how to effectively support her.
While this story is purely fictional, it likely sounds similar to the stories of those who are facing the constant struggle with PTSD, but reconnection is possible.
Understanding the Journey of PTSD
Navigating life after PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is overwhelming emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. It’s like throwing all your feelings and emotions into a blender and then trying to sort it all out again while watching the flashback reruns of the traumatic events that caused it.
It’s exhausting and isolating to sit in that space with little to no way of describing it and feeling like you can’t escape it.
But you actually CAN escape it and find a place of peace, but getting there can feel like learning to walk again.
This journey requires patience, understanding, and the support of those closest to you. If you’re living with PTSD, you might feel disconnected from loved ones. But remember, you can rebuild and even strengthen these relationships with time and effort.
The Importance of Reconnection
Why Reconnecting Matters
PTSD can create barriers within yourself and between you and your loved ones. These barriers might come from misunderstandings, changes in behavior, or the natural withdrawal many people experience while coping with trauma.
Reconnecting with loved ones isn’t just about socializing; it’s about creating a supportive network that aids in your recovery and provides emotional stability.
Benefits of Stronger Relationships
Strong relationships help reduce PTSD symptoms, provide a sense of security, and improve overall well-being. Your loved ones offer a comforting presence, help you in moments of distress, and remind you that you’re not alone on this journey. Plus, sharing your experiences and emotions fosters deeper connections and mutual understanding.
The foundation of healing from PTSD is communicating with your partner or spouse, so they can be an effective support person, cluing into your emotional needs so they provide exactly what you need, when you need it most.
Steps to Reconnect and Rebuild
Open Communication
- Starting the Conversation: Begin by having honest and open conversations about your PTSD. Let your loved ones know how you’re feeling, what triggers your symptoms, and how they can support you. This can be a challenging step, but it builds a foundation of trust and understanding.
- Active Listening: Encourage your loved ones to share their feelings too. This isn’t a one-way street. They might have their own fears, concerns, and misconceptions about PTSD. Active listening bridges gaps and promotes empathy on both sides.
Setting Boundaries
- Understanding Limits: Recognize your limits and communicate them clearly. If certain topics or situations trigger you, let your loved ones know. Setting boundaries protects your mental health while fostering a safe space for reconnection. It also better helps your loved ones know what is helpful and productive for your healing, and what isn’t.
- Respecting Each Other: Boundaries go both ways. Respect your loved ones’ needs and limits as well, but know that you and your PTSD are not a burden to them. This mutual respect strengthens your bond and creates a more harmonious environment.
Finding Common Ground
Shared Activities
- Rediscovering Hobbies: Engage in activities you both enjoy. Whether it’s cooking together, hiking, or watching movies, shared hobbies rekindle a sense of togetherness and create positive memories.
- Trying New Things: Explore new activities. It provides a fresh start and new opportunities to connect. Consider taking a class together, like painting or yoga, which can be therapeutic and enjoyable.
Creating New Traditions
- Family Rituals: Establish new family rituals to strengthen bonds. It could be as simple as a weekly game night or a monthly outing. These traditions provide consistency and something to look forward to.
- Celebrating Small Wins: Celebrate your progress and small victories together. It could be completing a challenging task or managing a difficult situation without feeling overwhelmed. These moments of celebration reinforce positivity and support.
Addressing Challenges Together
Managing Expectations
- Realistic Goals: Set realistic goals for your reconnection journey. Healing and rebuilding relationships take time. Remember, celebrate small steps forward and be patient with setbacks.
- Understanding Relapses: PTSD recovery isn’t linear, and neither is the healing process. There will be good days and challenging ones. Help your loved ones understand this so they can be prepared and supportive during tough times.
Seeking Professional Help
- Therapy: Sometimes, professional guidance is necessary. Family or couples therapy provides tools and techniques to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and strengthen your bond. You aren’t meant or expected to heal on your own. There is no shame in needing and asking for help.
- Support Groups: Joining support groups for PTSD can also be beneficial. These groups offer a sense of community and understanding from people who are going through similar experiences.
Discover the Power of Connection
A Story of Hope
After many months of struggles, Sarah and John decided to attend a family therapy session.
Through guided conversations, they learned to express their fears and emotions openly. John discovered that sometimes, just being there for Sarah, without trying to fix everything, was enough. They also started a new tradition of walking their dog together every evening, which became their time to reconnect and unwind.
This simple change brought them closer. Sarah felt understood and supported, while John felt more equipped to be there for her.
Their story reminds us that even if your relationships are different with PTSD, they aren’t broken, they just need to find new paths to reconnection.
Even the smallest steps can lead to significant improvements in relationships.
Creating a Supportive Environment
Safe Spaces
- Home Sanctuary: Create a calming and safe environment at home. It could be a cozy corner with your favorite books, a place for meditation, or simply a decluttered room that feels peaceful.
- Digital Detox: Reduce screen time, especially social media, which can sometimes add to stress. Instead, spend quality time with loved ones, focusing on real connections rather than virtual ones.
Self-Care Together
- Joint Self-Care Routines: Practice self-care routines together. This could be a regular exercise regimen, cooking healthy meals, or even a shared relaxation time. Taking care of your mental health together reinforces your bond and creates a sense of partnership in healing.
Moving Forward Together
Celebrating Progress
- Acknowledge Growth: Reflect on how far you’ve come. Acknowledge the progress, no matter how small. This positive reinforcement motivates both you and your loved ones to keep moving forward.
- Future Plans: Make plans for the future together. Setting goals and having shared dreams provide hope and direction. It gives you something to look forward to and work towards as a team.
Stay Connected
- Regular Check-Ins: Maintain regular check-ins with your loved ones. This could be a weekly chat about how you’re feeling and any support you might need. Consistency helps in maintaining strong connections.
- Express Gratitude: Don’t forget to express gratitude. A simple “thank you” goes a long way in making your loved ones feel appreciated and valued.
How We Can Help
At Calming Waters Counseling Services, we understand the complexities of PTSD and the impact it can have on relationships. Our compassionate team supports you every step of the way. Whether through individual therapy, couples, or family counseling, we’re committed to helping you rebuild and strengthen your relationships post-PTSD.
For more information about our providers and the services we offer, visit our About Us page. Because accessibility is important to us, we offer in-person appointments at 3 locations around the Charlotte region, as well as virtual appointments, so you can attend your sessions in the privacy of your own home and safe space.
Ready to take the next step? Contact us here to inquire about appointment scheduling, or to learn more about how we can assist you on your journey to healing and reconnection.