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Teens and Suicide: What Parents Need to Know

What does it feel like to be loved?
you know, i keep yearning for just one touch
one kiss
and imagine the experience is pure bliss
to be held
in your arms
and fade away, forgetting anything and everything exists
but that’s the rub
you don’t exist
you… as in… the abstract sense
really, you’re not a person in the same way i am
maybe you’re out there
maybe someday you will love me
but right now, you’re just a concept
an abstraction that relays my feelings to be desired to the rest of the world
hopefully without them thinking i’m crazy
well, crazier than i already am, i guess i’ve always been plenty crazy
here i am, talking to you, a person who doesn’t exist
maybe you do exist
maybe i’m being dramatic
or maybe the dreams of you are just a way to cope with the everlasting pangs of loneliness in my heart
what does it feel like to be empty?
i keep praying that one day i won’t remember the feeling
truthfully i’m preoccupied with my mindset in a way that’s unhealthy
obsessive
is that love? obsession?
some people would say yes
others would say “you really need therapy”
i guess i do
but that’s not a bad thing
everyone needs someone to talk to now and then, in earnest
a way to process their problems in a healthy manner
that’s what progress is
learning to manage your emotions and make an active effort to do better every day more than the last
so why do i keep moving backwards
why is nothing i do healthy
and why do i still feel so undeserving of love?
what does it feel like to be loathed?
hated, despised, abhorred
to be a truly despicable human being
i don’t think that’s me
but sometimes the darkness creeps in
whispers sweet nothings into my ears
lulls me into a false sense of security before BAM
it strikes
sinks its teeth into my flesh and rears its claws to tear me to shreds
the only thing i can really do in that moment is hope
to feel helpless
and to suffer
but to hope
things get better
and the grip of this evil around my neck loosens
the pang of its fangs dull
and eventually
it shrivels up and falls off
hope is what keeps me going
and love
of myself
of those close to me
and you, maybe, eventually
i hope you’ll love me
when the time comes
and we finally meet
and you can teach me
finally
what it feels like to be loved…

-Anonymous CWCS Client

The Hard Facts

Being a teenager is a stressful time filled with major changes such as biological changes, increased responsibility at school, applying for colleges, and friend drama.

In addition to the normal stressors of teenage life there are additional risk factors that can make a teen more prone to suicide including: a diagnosis of a mental health disorder, substance use, being exposed to a suicide of a family member or friend, history of being bullied or abused, access to means of suicide, losing or having conflict with close friends or family members, being gender diverse, or being adopted. When there are several changes or major stressors occurring simultaneously, that could lead a teenager to turn to self-harm or to attempt suicide.

According to the CDC, suicide is the third leading cause of death in teenagers ages 15 to 24 years old.

I encourage you to sit with that statistic for a moment.

Further, a published study from the CDC found that teenage suicides have increased significantly in the past few years. This significant increase may be the result of increased stress and rates of depression, and the fact that teens are not able to escape negative communication and bullying due to technology and social media usage. 

This constant digital connection has made it almost impossible for teenagers not to compare themselves to others on social media who seem to have the “perfect” life despite recognizing that users and influencers specifically curate content that creates unrealistic standards of beauty, homes, money, cars and more. 

The COVID-19 pandemic also heavily contributed to the significant increase in suicides among teenagers with researchers estimating over 5,000 teenage suicides in the first 10 months of the pandemic.

While I do not believe in fear mongering, I do believe in sharing the full weight of mental health struggles that kids and teens are facing. The truth is this information is scary for parents and caregivers of teenagers, but knowing this information can be a starting point for laying a foundation of open communication.

Warning Signs You Need to Know

Teens can be hard to read because they tend to be guarded, but here are some major warning signs to look out for: 

  • Changes in eating or sleeping habits, 
  • Loss of interest in hobbies or daily activities, 
  • Isolation, 
  • Acting out or running away, 
  • Substance use, 
  • Neglecting hygiene or appearance, 
  • Problems focusing, 
  • Physical ailments, 
  • Obsession with death or dying.

Sometimes warning signs are more nuanced and not so outwardly present, but are red flags that a teenager may be making plans towards committing suicide. 

If you notice any of the following, I encourage you not to label these statements or your teen as attention seeking or over reacting, and instead, seek a professional for an evaluation as soon as you can:

  • Giving away possessions, 
  • Making alarming statements like “I want to kill myself,” 
  • Giving verbal hints such as “I won’t be a problem much longer,” or 
  • Suddenly becoming cheerful after a period of depression.

Some of the warning signs could be symptoms of other health issues, so it is important to take your teen to see a medical professional for a diagnosis. Sometimes a teenager may need to be placed in an inpatient facility to ensure their safety until they are stabilized.

Have Meaningful Conversations Regularly

Unfortunately, there is a stigma that still exists when it comes to mental health. This makes it difficult for an adult to know how to approach a teenager about mental health, and suicide, in particular. 

I’m sure your first thought might be “what if I make them angry” or “what if they push me away even more?” 

Even though just thinking about talking to your teen about their mental health seems TERRIFYING, it is important to address and ensure to your teen that they will be supported in any way they need.

Create a Safe Space

It is critical for parents and caregivers to create an environment where open, honest conversation can occur with teenagers regarding all topics, not just mental health. 

I’ve often heard that some parents have their best conversations with their kids when they are in the car. If you know calling a “meeting” in the family room isn’t the move, try for a more neutral space like the car, or even a back porch or patio. 

While location isn’t the most important piece here, comfortability is, so this may require some out of the box thinking about where you know your teen is most likely to feel comfortable.

When teens feel comfortable, they are more likely to open up. 

How to Start the Conversation and Keep it Going

Talking to teens is only as intimidating as you make it to be. These conversations aren’t about who is right and who is wrong, it is about tapping into their thoughts and feelings and maintaining a deeper connection of trust.

Here are some tips for when parents or caregivers are trying to address suicide or mental health: 

  • Ask directly about mental health and suicide. Beating around the bush will get you nowhere quick. Being straightforward and honest is more important than trying to sugarcoat this difficult topic.
  • Be nonjudgmental and open minded throughout the conversation; if a teen expresses thoughts of suicide or self-harm-keep calm and try to find out what type of support the teenager is needing to create a safe environment; 
  • Validate that the teenager is going through a stressful time and that their behaviors seem like the only way to escape the stress or difficult feelings they are having. Don’t mistake validation for agreeing with their decisions, validation communicates a level of understanding given the circumstances.
  • Don’t try to fix it (immediately). This may sound counterintuitive, but as a parent we are quick to want to fix what is wrong. We’ve done this since they were babies, so it is our human nature to lean into maternal and paternal instincts. When navigating tricky topics with your teen (or kids), I like to ask “do you want comfort about this, or do you want advice and help solving the issue.” Sometimes kids just want to be heard; however, do know the line in the sand when it comes to mental health. If injurious behaviors exist or there are warning signs like those mentioned above, those are things to address and solve quickly.

When to Seek Additional Support

If you come to the conclusion that your teen is engaging in harmful behaviors or is suicidal, the first step is to get them additional help and an evaluation done. The treatment for teenagers that are suicidal depends on the age, symptoms, and severity. Treatment typically includes individual therapy, family therapy, inpatient or partial hospitalization programs.

At Calming Waters we have dedicated providers who are trained to handle these sensitive cases. We can work with your teen and your family to provide the support you need to help navigate their mental health struggles. 

We also will skillfully assess your teen and make recommendations for more specialized and intensive support if your situation warrants more than what our team can provide. We work collaboratively with many local resources, and retain a strong referral network to provide care from every angle of wellness. Visit our about page for individual provider bios and our contact page to send us a message. Our administrative team will handle your case with discretion, care, and kindness so you feel supported from the first time you interact with us